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Season 2013/14

City Blogger: Dear Football Fates

  • 08 April 2014 13:41
  • Posted by @bifana_bifana
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Although we are all more than aware that in recent times something dramatic and crucial has changed in City’s relationship with you all, there are still one or two small outstanding “mistakes” that need (almost immediate) attention regarding our next opponents, a team who have caused us about as much heartache and embarrassment as any in recent history.

A team whose fans have already been merrily singing that they’re gonna win the league for the last three weeks or so. Although this is in itself hardly bearable, there are countless other pressing issues that you Football Gods need to take a swift revisionist look at. in order to allow us to enter the field of combat next weekend thoroughly cleansed and ready to fight on an even playing field. Namely,

  1. Steve Lomas heading for the corner flag to protect a 2-2 draw when we needed to win to avoid relegation. Our old and dear friend Ian Rush had already sliced an unusually wobbly shot past Eike Immel, who may or may not have been looking ever so slightly in the wrong direction at the time. This whole episode set many of us back several years in terms of achieving psychological stability.

  2. The sight of Sammy Lee, already wearing a highly offensive pair of shorts that resembled a child’s nappy bunched up around his penalty area, waddling unopposed through our midfield to whack a 30 yarder past Joe Corrigan in 1982. It was just one of five that afternoon.

  3. Scouse prezzie Robbie Fowler missing a UEFA Cup clinching last minute penalty against Middlesbrough

  4. A humiliating 4-0 Anfield midweek defeat in the League Cup followed by a super-humiliating 6-0 Anfield defeat in the League on the Saturday. Ten goals in two games within four days of each other. It’s the sort of thing only Tottenham manage these days.

  5. Our manager, the esteeemed Mr A. Ball of Farnworth, describing the pleasure he had gained from watching Liverpool’s super attractive football in the afore-mentioned two sessions of abject gauge-your-own-eyes-out humiliation. Mr Ball kind of lost most of us after that one.

  6. The very reverend Mr Alfred Grey of no-fixed abode, having been chosen to referee City’s League Cup semi final with the red shirted scousers in 1980, deciding that our superbly crafted opening goal after two minutes, nutted in brilliantly by a salmon-like Kevin Reeves, was too good to be legal and thus disallowing it, “for an obvious push on Bruce Grobelaar”.

  7. Bruce Grobelaar

  8. Ian Rush spending his entire career whacking goals in our net as if they were going out of fashion.

  9. Kenny Dalglish spending his entire career whacking goals in our net as if they were going out of fashion.

  10. Graeme Souness and Ray Kennedy spending their entire careers whacking goals in our net as if they were going out of fashion.

  11. Terry get the picture.

  12. Ian Rush opting to sign for Liverpool, when he could have signed for City before all this goal trouble began, when Big Mal was sniffing around the then Chester starlet in the early 80s. What was he thinking signing for them?

  13. Maine Road in the seventies and eighties becoming Liverpool’s favourite shooting range, with fours and fives the norm and City wins as common as ducks on scooters.

  14. Going to Anfield several times in the nineties and playing our legs off only to mysteriously come away with just the one point.

  15. Going to Anfield in the eighties and singing our hearts out only to mysteriously come away with just the one black eye.

  16. A thrutch of Cup ties between 1988 and 2001 that always seemed to end up with our hopes dashed and our faces being pushed into the fragrant winter FA Cup mud. 0-4 in a Maine Road morasse in 1988, 2-4 in 2001, 0-1 in 2003 in a damp squib of a final FA Cup match at Maine Road, plus afore-mentioned League Cup drubbings in 1995 and League Cup debacles in 1980-1.

So, this time we would really appreciate it if those scores could be evened up a little bit. Just a little tweak here and there, just a goal or two in the right net for once and, one last tiny request, that come the end of the match, the Kop is not singing that giddy and presumptuous little ditty that has been aired of late. Not much to ask is it?

Thanks a lot.

The Crowd.


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